Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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