just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Randomize
