Christians are straight up FREAKS
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
