I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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