next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
