dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
