right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
