she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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