Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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