I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I will pee on everything he values.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
