Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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