she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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