i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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