she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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