OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my shit smells like andre
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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