I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
