She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
