worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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