like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm getting married
To pizza
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
