I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
