We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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