I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
