Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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