I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Randomize
