my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
