When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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