explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
