I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
