At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
