end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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