your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize