You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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