I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
