Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
