OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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