I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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