If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
