Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
