She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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