The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
