my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
