i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
