If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
