Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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