My cat gives me a boner
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
