After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
