dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
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So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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