clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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