Need sex. Gaining weight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
