i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
