I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
