I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
