It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
