Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
