Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
