I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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