I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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