my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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