I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
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This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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