just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
