there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
