There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize