My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
