I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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