she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
