No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
