And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
