We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
