do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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