So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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