he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
