I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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